Maybe it’s because I drive so much, but lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about cars. The one I am currently driving has become something I never intended. Among the things it does, like carry rocks and fertilizer, fresh tomatoes, and the occasional bag of fat head minnows, it is also the only vehicle I have that will allow me to transport my dogs back and forth to the farm. Two labs, one mutt, and a goat or two thrown in and maybe you have some idea about what the back hold of my Honda CRV looks like.
Here’s the thing. I love dogs. And while I love dogs and have the softest part of my heart for those furry companions, I don’t do dog kisses but most of all I don’t do dog hair. Or at least I used to never do dog hair, until I started transporting them back and forth to the farm. (I may not do dog hair, but I do dog contentment and let me tell you, those hounds of mine love the freedom of farm life. I have no choice but to indulge them.)
Since, I don’t trend towards not shedding dogs, which I personally believe is a perpetuated myth by dog owners who just want to believe their dog doesn’t shed, there is an additional problem that seems to trend in every male dog I have ever owned. They stink.
Stink might be undervaluing the actual reality.
So if you’re one of those people that believes a car says something about the person who drives it, I am so not happy about what you’re going to think mine says about me. You’re not going to get into my car and think: ‘this woman is a responsible, caring dog owner.” You’re going to get into my car and think, “uh oh… oh my gosh, this car smells awful. And there is dog hair all over the back.” Some of you will say this out loud. Some of you have.
Some of you might take pity on my situation and try to provide some intervention. Some of you have.
One of you might go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and buy me one of these to stick under my car seat.
Or one of you might advise me to keep a bottle of this in the door panel so that should the dogs be wet in addition to stinky when I put them in my car, I can perform immediate remediation procedures.
Given that I have been open to all dog remediation efforts offered to me, I am feeling somewhat confident that although you might ride in my car, you’ll look past temporal appearances and won’t consider that my car and me are one.
But just in case, I am asking for your help, those of you who are willing go out on a limb and promise me that should I ever get to a certain point, you will be my reality check.
The other day, happening to park to another car, with tell tale wet nose slobber smudges all over three quarters of her windows, a middle aged woman bounced out of her car, her medium sized, hairy canine companion in tow. There she was, obliviously happy, ahead of me, totally ignorant that her butt, covered in yoga pants, was also completely covered in dog hair from sitting in her car.
Seriously. Don’t let me go there.
I am NOT that woman. I just know I am not.