I did something awful. I didn’t mean to, but just the same, I did something of which I am deeply ashamed.
This weekend we were going to take the dogs to the country. I feel bad that 200 lbs of dogs are cooped up into a backyard that isn’t big enough for one big dog let alone two of them. They seemed to know they were going and if dogs could talk, they would have.
Ellie, the younger was joyous and exuberant, her lithe girly frame sleek, repeatedly doing what I call fish flips. You know, those jumps in the air that dogs can do that looks like they are mimicking a bass jumping out of the water trying to escape the hook in its mouth.
Moses was.. well Moses. Lumbering and gigantic, he was excited, but too old to show joy like he used to.
The plan, my plan, was to tie them into the back of the trailer.
I had flimsy leashes and it seemed like it was all going well. We had to shove Moses hard, over the low trailer side, and he promptly, laid down on the trailer floor, looking like a dog trying to get into flatland. Ellie, not the least bit afraid of heights or obstacles, jumped and bounced and then seemed to dutifully sit while I tied her to the side.
We headed out, everyone happy, no inkling that something very bad was about to happen.
Less than a mile from the house, with a car behind us madly honking, we stopped and Bob got out. He called me to the side of the trailer. Ellie had jumped out, I don’t know when, and was still attached to the leash I had tied her up with, dripping in blood. It pooled around her bloodied, torn, ravaged feet, all four of her paws and nails mangled. I had done this to my beloved pet. My stupidity had created this mess and although I had the best of intentions, I failed in my responsibility as her owner.
She looked at me with those dog eyes. I held her and tried to take stock and although she seemed scared, she was still bouncing around, nothing seemed to be broken, although I had no idea how that could be. We made different traveling arrangements, and once we got where we were going, she seemed to initially enjoy the day. But within a few hours, she had the stance of hurting. Head down, eyes mirroring how bad she felt, she was suffering silently. No whimpering, she loyally trusted me to care for her, as I held her and tried to comfort her until we got home. Three days later now and she can barely walk, her paws are so tender with sores. Moses nuzzles her nose and licks her wounds for her and she still wags her tail when I come to care for her. She will get better and she will be exuberant again, but I will probably never look at her again and not remember how I hurt her.
Lately, I have pictured the Creator, my Creator, my Father in Heaven, as He watches me go through my day. He must shake his head in sadness sometime. I didn’t mean to hurt Ellie, one of God’s creatures, but I did. That’s bad enough but what is worse is sometimes I know I hurt God because I go ahead and do something I know I shouldn’t, like cussing. I love to cuss. My mother used to tell me to love my enemies, that God wanted me to pray for people I didn’t like. That’s been really hard lately. Try to do that sometimes and really mean it. I am not going to admit to my other sins here, there are more than I care to acknowledge. What I will admit to is that I find it flat amazing that God, in all His wisdom, in all His power, never gives up on me, but more importantly never stops loving me. Ellie couldn’t know better than to still love me, but certainly God has the option.
Today’s Bible verse: 2 Timothy 1:9 Christ Jesus, who has saved us and called us to a holy life–not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.