Somewhere inside my brain, whatever normally goes on, or has at least for almost 6 decades, isn’t.
I noticed this happened a few months before my son died.
I’m flat.
Let me explain.
Sometimes I like to visualize the chemistry in my head, although I know very little about the whole process of brain function. I do happen to know, from experience, that my personalized grey matter is used to being swamped, literally in a morass of emotional chemicals. Either that or something about the way my synapses fire all around fueled by the soul that is me is usually way up or way down.
Sounds a little bipolar, doesn’t it?
Nothing like self diagnosis, but honestly it’s not really that and I’m not explaining it well.
It’s more like the modus operandi that God decided would be best for me to see the miracles and the travesties of this life was to see them colored with emotion.
Right now I’m not doing that.
I’m flat.
Maybe it’s a function of my body. I’m pretty sure it has no idea where on this planet it is. My time zone compass is off, there is little doubt about that.
Maybe it’s hormones, that’s be strange since those particular biochemical losses have been waning for some time now.
Maybe it’s this oppressive heat and drought. Mostly all we can do down here, as we sit under a dadblasted high pressure system for months, is lay out flat and hope we stay cool while we look for rain clouds… any rain clouds.
Or maybe it’s just God resting me.
I wish you Happy Monday for the rest of the week in a no-frills, uninteresting way.
It’s still from the heart, even if it isn’t wrapped up in words that can’t keep from spewing out of me.
