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October is the month that God is good to remind me that life doesn’t make sense without Him. 

If you aren’t a believer, it’s okay with me if you doubt that statement. But for me, it’s as personal and as real as it can get.

You see I’m a fixer. An anxious one. And there are a hundred things each day that I am unable to fix. The only reconciliation I can come to is one that holds to a concept that the Creator of it all is in love with me and the other 8 billion plus people on the planet. It’s the only answer that makes sense. The only one that answers ‘why’.

So each year of my life and increasingly every October,  God finds a new way to ease my fingers from the tight grip I have on thinking that somehow it’s me personally that is going to singlehandedly keep most of the bad things of my world from occurring.

It’s October that my Father finds new ways to ease me more fully into his arms. He loves me. And increasingly he teaches me to see that no matter the prejudices or walls I build up, it’s me and 8 billion others He seeks to comfort.

I thank God that He is in charge.  Literally. I thank Him. 

Most of you know, it’s this day that my Jake officially left this earth. I have been trying my best all year to get ready to celebrate Jake and others of my loved ones who are in the by-and-by.

Several years ago, on our way to the field site in central Mexico, as we drove through desert spotted with ocotillo and agave I saw my first field of marigolds and princess feathers. It was a late September and the little towns we passed through had their sugar skulls displayed. The Mexican tradition of Día de Muertos, supported by none of the Baptist theology that I was raised in, speaks to my own heart knowledge that remembering those we love, testifying to the love that still remains as real as Heaven, is a very good thing.

(If you have not seen the movie Coco, you should. It’s one of those pieces of cinematic art that speaks to the “why” for our wonder and hope for everyone through Mexican eyes. Which I love the chance to do.)

So in the spring, I bought seeds. J sowed my marigolds which promptly failed to tolerate the 2018 summer heat. My princess feathers, all but one, refused to germinate from the tens of dollars worth of seeds.

Next year I will have a proper ofrenda to honor those I love and wait for me in Heaven. But for now,  I let myself sift through the memories of my Jake. He was good to give me many memories, some hysterical, many poignant. With Silent Bob in Colorado, I let my mind wander to Jake there, not just when he left for Heaven, but also the summer when as a young college Aggie, he landed a wrangler’s job on a Dude ranch.

Yeah, he might have exaggerated his horsemanship.

But what he never exaggerated about, but related to me in detail, that even today makes me think I was with him, was some of the trail rides he took. He felt close to God high up in the Rocky Mountains surrounded by a part of God’s creation that spoke to him.

I found this video on youtube. I believe it was one of the trails Jake told me about. Jake didn’t produce this video but he could have and I knew instantly the music was to his liking. I contacted the author of the video and as it turns out, he’s the music composer as well. Yep. Jake would have liked the song.

Love you son.

Thank you, Charles, for letting me post this.  (Jake would have liked Charles.. he’s into physical endurance.)

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